Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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