Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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