she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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