he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
