Apparently you make a good broom.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
