i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
