youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
