I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
