so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
