yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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