I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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