It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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