i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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