My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Green mimosas i think yes
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
