my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize