Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
