I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
only you would photoshop your dick
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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