you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
