Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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