K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
