i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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