My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
