I CAN MOONWALK!
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
