oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
