god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm like, not good at living.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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