One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
