i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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