a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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