we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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