so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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