You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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