doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
