Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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