i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
