i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize