i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
