Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
