Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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