I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
