shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
