Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
this boner is exhausting
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
