i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
