she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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