I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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