i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
