I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
