wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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