There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I don't deserve a penis
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
