Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
