the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
