fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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