he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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