Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
