The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
