how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
