Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
