apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Randomize
