My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
