I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize