i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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