Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
