Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
