Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
