I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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