You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
