The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
