I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I need a burrito and a hug.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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