not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize