I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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